When a former peer becomes your boss

Picture this: You’ve spent years working alongside a colleague whose approach grated on your nerves. Every project felt like a tug-of-war, every meeting a silent battle of ideas. Now, imagine that same colleague—who you once found difficult to work with—has just been promoted to your boss. Welcome to an awkward Monday morning.

This was the reality for Nikhil, who had long felt undermined by his ambitious teammate, Ayesha. When she was promoted above him, his polite frustration threatened to bubble over into daily interactions. But while the situation seemed fraught with tension, it also offered a rare opportunity: the chance to reset their relationship and build a more functional dynamic.

When a former peer becomes your boss, past conflicts can feel like ticking time bombs. Yet the transition, however uncomfortable, doesn’t have to be a dead end. With a strategic approach, it can become an opportunity for growth and collaboration. So how do you start when your shared history is filled with friction?

“When your colleague becomes your boss, the most crucial step is to accept the change gracefully. Harbouring bitterness will take you nowhere.” Acknowledging the shift in dynamics lays the groundwork for rebuilding a functional relationship.”

Mukul Chopra, CHRO, Transaction Solutions International

The first step is simple, yet difficult: accept the new reality. “When your colleague becomes your boss, the most crucial step is to accept the change gracefully,” advises Mukul Chopra, CHRO, Transaction Solutions International. “Harbouring bitterness will take you nowhere.” Acknowledging the shift in dynamics lays the groundwork for rebuilding a functional relationship.

Both parties—boss and subordinate—may feel uneasy, and this mutual wariness can become a barrier. However, Chopra suggests that it is often the employee’s responsibility to take the first step toward reconciliation. “Your boss is as wary of you as you are of them,” he notes. Setting up a meeting to clear the air, addressing past professional disagreements openly, and expressing a commitment to moving forward professionally can break the ice.

“Having a weekly cadence can build trust and comfort. This kind of proactive engagement fosters transparency and prevents misunderstandings.”

Pallavi Poddar, CHRO, Fenesta Windows

At companies such as Google, where teamwork is paramount, a former peer becoming a manager isn’t uncommon. When it happens, the company encourages a ‘reset conversation’—a structured dialogue where both parties discuss concerns, expectations, and aspirations. This clear communication defuses tension and helps rebuild mutual understanding.

Clarity in expectations is another key component of resetting the relationship. Pallavi Poddar, CHRO, Fenesta Windows, suggests scheduling regular check-ins to provide updates and involve the new boss in decision-making. “Having a weekly cadence can build trust and comfort,” she advises. This kind of proactive engagement fosters transparency and prevents misunderstandings. Take IBM’s practice of ‘Collaborative Goal Setting’ as an example: when an employee has a new boss, they’re encouraged to have a goal-alignment meeting within the first month. This process helps both sides understand each other’s work styles and expectations.

“Adjusting your approach is another crucial factor. Find common goals to build trust and demonstrate reliability by consistently meeting deadlines and showing professionalism. If needed, seek support from HR or a mentor for additional guidance,”

Pankaj Lochan, CHRO, Navin Fluorine

“Adjusting your approach is another crucial factor,” points out Pankaj Lochan, CHRO, Navin Fluorine. His advice is to observe and align with your boss’s preferred communication and work style. “Find common goals to build trust and demonstrate reliability by consistently meeting deadlines and showing professionalism. If needed, seek support from HR or a mentor for additional guidance,” he adds. By focusing on solutions and maintaining a positive attitude, individuals can work towards a more productive and harmonious relationship.

Vulnerability and honesty are equally important. Poddar recommends that employees openly seek feedback from their new boss. “Understand the reality and work with the manager,” she advises. Proactively asking for feedback creates an opportunity for constructive dialogue, enabling the employee to adapt and build rapport. Over time, this can help heal a previously strained relationship.

Resist the temptation to vent to other colleagues. Both Chopra and Poddar warn against gossiping or bad-mouthing the new boss, as it can further damage trust and harm your professional reputation. Instead, focus on keeping communication respectful and constructive.

In some cases, it may be necessary to boost the boss’s ego. Especially in situations where insecurities run high on both sides, keeping the boss informed and seeking their input on significant decisions can help neutralise any perceived threats and foster collaboration.

Separate the person from the problem. This mindset shift is crucial in avoiding personal biases from colouring your professional interactions. If conflicts arise, focus on the work—be it deadlines, projects, or decisions—rather than allowing old grievances to fuel personal animosity. By staying objective, you can navigate disagreements without escalating the tension.

Respect is a two-way street. Chopra recalls his own experience when he was promoted over former colleagues at a different company. “I never sat at the head of the table; I always sat beside them,” he says. By showing respect for his team’s experience and viewpoints, he maintained a healthy professional relationship. Showing respect for a new manager’s authority, even if they were once a peer, helps build mutual understanding.

Understanding the hierarchical dynamics is also vital. As Poddar notes, “Give your point of view and try to influence the decision. But if it doesn’t work, let the decision be made by the next level.” Recognising when to step back can help prevent unnecessary conflict.

Building trust with your new boss involves demonstrating transparency and openness, especially when issues arise. As Lochan suggests, “By being honest about challenges and acknowledging mistakes, you create a foundation of mutual respect and reliability. This approach not only fosters a more collaborative environment but also shows that you are committed to improving and working together effectively.” Openly communicating about problems and how you plan to address them helps establish a more trustworthy and supportive relationship.

Resetting a troubled relationship with a former colleague-turned-boss isn’t easy, but it’s achievable. By managing your emotions, initiating open dialogue, avoiding negative talk, focusing on professionalism, respecting boundaries, and seeking constructive feedback, it’s possible to rebuild trust and form a productive working dynamic. After all, a promotion may change the power balance—but it doesn’t have to end the relationship.