The mentors I never expected: Four lessons that shaped my leadership

We tend to imagine mentorship as a formal arrangement—a senior leader taking a junior professional under their wing, meeting quarterly over coffee, and guiding a carefully planned career trajectory. But in my experience, the most powerful mentors rarely hold that title. They show up in unexpected forms: a junior colleague, a patient peer, or even a difficult manager who taught me exactly who I didn’t want to become.

Over time, I’ve distilled what these unexpected mentors taught me into four core lessons.

Mentorship is defined by impact, not title or seniority

The most valuable guidance often comes from peers, junior colleagues, or even critics—people whose perspectives you might have overlooked in a formal mentoring programme.

As a functional head, I often struggled with team members who were unwilling to listen to or consider alternative viewpoints. At times, I found myself relying on an authoritative leadership style, knowing full well that it was neither effective nor sustainable in the long run.

Then I observed a direct report who was 15 years my junior handling conflict with remarkable patience. He took the time to understand each individual’s background and perspective before explaining the nuances of a situation. It took longer, but it worked far better.

I began seeking his views whenever I encountered similar challenges, and the experience made me a significantly more effective manager. Sujit Bose never carried the title of mentor, but his influence on my leadership style was profound. There have been many such mentors in my life, and I share his story as just one example.

The lesson: Keep your attention open sideways and downward, not just upward.

The best lessons are often unscripted and uncomfortable

A tough conversation, an offhand remark after a meeting, or a moment of honest feedback can alter your trajectory more than any scheduled review ever could. Growth does not require a curriculum; it requires presence, curiosity, and humility.

Some of my most valuable breakthroughs have happened during informal conversations over coffee, where people shared far more candidly one-on-one than they ever did around a conference table.

During one of the most difficult union collective bargaining settlements of my career, the real progress did not happen in the negotiation room. It happened in the corridor, over lukewarm coffee, when participants finally voiced what they genuinely thought.

That experience taught me that meaningful learning often arrives unannounced. Show up. Listen carefully. The lesson will find you.

Resilience can be taught by difficult people, not just supportive ones

Not every mentor makes you feel good. Some of my deepest learning came from a manager who was selfish, insecure, and exhausting to work with.

He never intended to teach me anything. Yet by observing him every day, I learned exactly what I did not want to become as a leader.

That may sound like a small lesson, but it is not. Learning what to reject can be just as formative as finding someone to emulate. That difficult manager also strengthened my resilience—not through support, but by forcing me to navigate tension, establish boundaries, and develop a thicker skin.

For that, I remain quietly grateful.

Gratitude, not hierarchy, seals the lesson

Here’s the curious thing about unexpected mentors: they rarely know they have mentored you.

My junior colleague never heard me describe him as a mentor. My difficult manager certainly never received a thank-you note. Yet acknowledging those quiet, human moments—even if only in personal reflection—transformed random encounters into lasting professional wisdom.

You do not need to formalise every mentoring relationship. You simply need to recognise it, learn from it, and carry the lesson forward.

That, perhaps, is the true legacy of mentorship.

This article is authored by Varadarajan S (Raja), former CHRO, Vistara